From Hope to Heartbreak: A Mother’s Journey
Kate’s story with her son Samuel begins with hope and resilience, but evolves into a journey marked by addiction, mental health struggles, and family turmoil. Here, Kate shares her experiences, highlighting the role Addiction Family Support (AFS) has played in helping her find strength.
Escaping a Violent Past
Kate’s journey began with courage as she escaped a relationship marked by abuse and addiction. Reflecting on her early years with Samuel, she recalls, “I had my own troubles, but my priority was keeping Samuel safe.”
With a social worker’s advice, she moved away from Samuel’s father to raise him alone, creating stability despite a difficult start. “We were subjected to violence when he was a baby, and I knew we had to get away.”
A New Chapter and Family Life
Life took a positive turn when Kate remarried. “My new husband and his children gave us a sense of family again,” she shared. “Samuel always had a caring home, and when he came out as gay in his teens, he was fully accepted.”
Despite a supportive family, Samuel’s life shifted around this time. “It started with a bit of weed,” Kate explains. “But we didn’t know the risks he faced as a young gay man, exposed to the Chemsex scene and experimenting with drugs like ketamine, GHB, and meth.”
Early Signs of Trouble
From ages 15 to 18, Samuel’s drug use intensified, leading him down a troubling path. “He became distant,” Kate recalls, “and we had no idea what was going on.”
Eventually, Samuel moved to the countryside to live with his grandparents, where he coped relatively well, though alcohol and cocaine still followed him. After about nine months, he returned to the family’s hometown to take up a foundation art course at college, and things seemed to improve. “He was doing well, coming home for meals, inviting me to exhibitions,” Kate remembers.
When Samuel was accepted to a university in London, the family had hope. However, during his first year, contact with them became infrequent. “He started going missing for days on end, communication ceased, and his stepdad and I realised he was spiralling. We were really concerned, but we did not know if it was drugs again or mental health problems,” Kate shares.
Around this time, Samuel returned to his grandparents. The family discovered that he had been involved with Chemsex and drugs again, which had sent him into psychosis. A particularly fractious argument led Samuel to make an attempt on his life, and Kate sought mental health treatment for him. He was placed on antidepressants, and eventually found a place to live in his grandparents’ village. Life seemed to settle; family relationships repaired, communication was frequent, and Samuel invested time and money into training for a new career.
Only later did Kate discover the full extent of his struggle: a £10,000 debt that was only partly explained by his training costs. The rest, she believes, was due to drugs.
Spiralling into Psychosis
By age 27, Samuel admitted to some drug use but continued hiding the full extent. Shortly after, he began experiencing psychosis. “At first, we thought it might be mental health issues, but his behaviour became impossible to understand,” Kate shares.
Samuel became increasingly challenging to communicate with, growing paranoid and disoriented. One day, he was hospitalised after being beaten up, though he initially told Kate he had just fallen over. “I found out from a voicemail from intensive care that he’d been beaten, and he’d lied to me,” Kate recalls.
At this stage, Kate had concerns Samuel might be in a schizophrenic episode and tried to get him to agree to an assessment. He admitted some drug use but absolutely denied methamphetamine was involved.
A few weeks later, Samuel picked an argument and left the family home again, making himself homeless. He found himself on the streets of the family’s hometown, left to cope alone amidst worsening mental health but refusing any contact with his mum or wider family.
The Incident and Broken Bones
As Samuel’s psychosis deepened, his behaviour grew more erratic. Kate reached out to the police and the crisis team; each referred her back to the other. Samuel had gone off the grid.
Eventually, the voices in his head led him to a disused building. “He either jumped or fell,” Kate shares. It was Christmas time; Kate woke to a call from the hospital informing her that Samuel was admitted with a broken back and uncertain prognosis. “They didn’t know if he would walk again,” she recalls.
Worsening Condition and Frustration with the System
Following this incident, Samuel was on an orthopaedic ward, but his psychosis intensified. The hospital wanted to discharge him as he was physically recovering and moving about on crutches, but he was in full-blown psychosis too, and no one seemed to be taking this problem seriously.
“Samuel apparently had no drugs on him in the hospital, so I deduced he must be having a schizophrenic episode that needed treatment,” says Kate. Both he and Kate agreed he wouldn’t return home as the family relationship was too fragile. The hospital persuaded him to attend a psychiatric unit and treated him with an anti-psychotic drug called olanzapine.
The psychosis continued to get worse; the olanzapine was not fixing it even though he had been put up to the highest dose possible. “It turned out he was using drugs the whole time he was in the hospital, even in the psychiatric ward,” Kate shares.
Despite her pleas to have him sectioned, her efforts were futile, leaving her feeling helpless. After a frank discussion with Samuel’s psychiatric team, Kate found out that, in their opinion, Samuel had psychosis only because of his drug use and that if he stopped drugs, his mental health would improve. They did not feel Samuel still required hospital treatment and discharged him to emergency accommodation.
A Mother’s Helplessness
Samuel’s struggle with psychosis created a cycle of hospital visits, attempts to stop taking drugs, and frequent relapses. Kate fought for her son’s welfare, pleading with doctors to section him, though her requests often went unheard.
“It’s devastating as a mother, knowing he’s on the streets, in and out of hostels, and that no one can help him,” she says. The unpredictability of drug abuse added to the strain. “Drug abuse is nuts,” Kate reflects. “It doesn’t make sense to the addicts, let alone the people who love the drug addicts.”
The strain affected her marriage and relationships. “People would say bad things about him, and it triggered arguments,” Kate recalls. “I felt so lost in it all, barely managing to continue running the family business or our household. That time is a blur.”
Discovering AFS: A Lifeline Amid Chaos
In her darkest moment, Kate found AFS. “Calling the helpline for the first time was overwhelming; I was speaking to someone who truly understood,” she remembers.
“Everything was so mind-bendingly awful. I thought, ‘How did I not see this coming?’ Talking to AFS was a relief—someone to listen, to understand, and to reassure me I wasn’t alone.”
The atmosphere at AFS was one of kindness and acceptance. “The sessions are very warm and welcoming,” Kate shares. “It’s nice connecting with people who have gone through the process and come out the other side.”
Over time, Kate began to see her own potential to change. “I felt powerless until I realised I can take control of how I cope, how I allow myself to think, and how I communicate,” she explains. The support from AFS’s helpline and the 5-step one-to-one programme provided a lifeline. “I felt like I was drowning in Samuel’s addiction, but now I can think things through and then put them away to focus on myself.”
Reclaiming Her Power
With the strategies from AFS, Kate has found a new strength. “When I get triggered, I don’t react as I used to. I’ve learned to take a step back, breathe, and even have a little cry if I need to,” she explains.
“AFS taught me to recognise when I’m in an emotional loop and gave me the tools to break out of it.” Kate has applied these coping strategies across her life, even managing to stop smoking. “It’s not all about my son; it’s about me and having the power to make choices. I can’t let his addiction take over my life, or I’d go mad.”
Living with Uncertainty
Although Samuel’s future remains uncertain, Kate has learned to carry on. “Even if he gets better, I’ll always worry about a relapse,” she admits.
“But AFS has helped me live with that fear in a much healthier way. I have family, work, pets, hobbies—things I want to make room for. They’re in the living world, and Samuel is caught in addiction, which isn’t part of the living world.”
Samuel still takes drugs daily, has continuous psychosis thoughts, paranoia, and fear while residing in a hostel in the family’s hometown. His communication with family reflects his chaotic state, as he frequently sends 20–40 messages per day—sometimes colourful images, brief apologies, or moments of insight, followed by angry, even abusive, ones.
“His grandmother messaged saying, ‘We love you,’ and he responded with hurtful words,” Kate shares. The unpredictable nature of these exchanges adds to Kate’s daily challenges, but AFS’s support has helped her respond in a way that prioritises her own well-being.
Kate’s story highlights the profound impact of support systems like AFS. “It’s about choosing to live your own life, even when someone you love is lost in addiction.”